Stressing Out

I think the stress I've been feeling lately has really just taken a turn for the worse. I mean, I feel like I can't do anything, like I'm wasting my time and that nothing I do is worth something. I know it's not true, that I'm just in one of my moods, but I feel so...pathetic, always asking for someone to reassure me that I'm on the right track.

To be honest, I think it was the music getting lost that was the turning point. It was something so stupid, so minor but it still made me feel like I just couldn't do something right. I am just...finding little things that I need to get done that I don't think I can do, like making a new collage, fixing my excuse of a manuscript, trying to make my characters more...well, more. It just feels so overwhelming and I just can't shake the feeling that the world is crashing down on me every time I try. And it's no bueno. I mean, ice cream didn't help, talking to my friends isn't helping, even reading or trying to sketch is just...too stressful. Because every time I pick up a book, I think "Wow - I'll never be able to make my book this good" and every time I try to draw what I imagine to be the setting, it looks like a kindergarden student attacked a piece of paper with a pen. It's so frustrating and I really just have no clue what I'm doing.

I wasn't kidding when I told my cousin I didn't know what to do with my days after I finished writing, but now it feels like such a daunting task, rewriting and editing that I just don't want to do it anymore. I really just don't know what happened, because just the other day I was so excited, so ready to work and now I just want to burn it and everything related to it. :/

I think I'm just going to go to bed and sleep this depressing mood off.

Until next time,

Ashley the...burned out.